Fifty Blades Of Shizaya
by loving-every-minute-of-it
Summary: After a few fights... and one night stands... Izaya and Shizuo realize they are meant for each other... but will their pride keep them apart? Songfics Yaoi OOC
1. I'll Just Hold On

**A/N: Well hello there! As you can tell I've officially started my first multi chapter fanfic! WHOO HOO! I'll start by giving you a short intro…  
Hence the title, this will be a fifty chapter long fic and every chapter will be a song so italics are lyrics  
Even though the title is a parody of "Fifty Shades Of Grey" this will not be a smutty fic… be thankful though since my smut would probably be awkward…  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own DRRR! Or and of its characters nor do I own any of the songs used in this fic… ENJOY!**

_I can taste your kiss on my lips_

It had just been ONE time…

_And I'm wrapped around your finger tips  
_So why was he so affected by it?

_As I watch the moonlight dancing on your skin_

_Your red eyes and the sweet sweet night_

_Go to my head boy every time  
And I get drunk on you_

Shizuo was so pissed at himself for acting so stupid. He had done the one thing he never thought he would ever do… he FUCKED the DAMN FLEA!

_I lose control and then_

_And here I go again_

And he had enjoyed it! Now as Shizuo sat alone in his apartment, he sensed a new emotion arising. It wasn't hate though… hell it wasn't even anger…

_I'm falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart_

_Tomorrow might be hell_

Shizuo might not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he did know that he had developed feelings for the informant… He also knew that this was nothing more than a game to Izaya and to expect anything more than a couple nights of fun was naive

_But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all_

_And I can't help myself  
_Shizuo had developed feelings for Izaya and he was willing to suffer as long as it meant a couple more times with the raven haired man.

_So I'll just hold on_

_Until your gone  
_If Shizuo got another time with Izaya he would feel lucky but he highly doubted that would happen…

_Boy I know you're a free soul_

_And I'm just a stop along your road_

_And you hang around long enough to blow my mind  
_Izaya would never feel the same way and Shizuo knew it. In fact, the flea was probably at home laughing it up and playing with that stupid board of his…

_If I had a star for every scar_

_You scratched across me_

_I could fill up the midnight sky  
_This simply didn't make any sense… they hated each other! Izaya had always made Shizuo's life hell and, in return, got a few vending machines thrown at him

_So boy I don't know why_

_I'm falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart_

_Tomorrow might be hell_

_But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all_

_And I can't help myself_

_I'll just hold on_

_Till your gone  
_He couldn't believe it… he had actually fallen for the flea! The one man he swore he hated was now the only thing he wanted…

_Every time you leave I take it hard_

_Seeing you go just breaks my heart_

_But don't care_

_I'll just hold on_

_Till your gone  
_Shizuo cursed himself for acting like a teenage girl but he couldn't help it… the flea did things to him that he had never known he was missing…

_I'm falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heart_

_Tomorrow might be hell_

_But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all_

_And I can't help myself  
_"IT WAS JUST ONE TIME GET OVER IT!" he screamed to no one but himself

_Your red eyes and that sweet sweet night_

_Go to my head boy every time_

_But I don't care_

He had to push these feelings aside let Izaya go

_I'll just hold on_

But deep down he knew he was lying to himself…

_Till your gone_

**Ok so that wasn't exactly great but I mainly just wanted to establish the fact that they had done it and that Shizuo was obviously more emotional than Izaya…**

**Normally, I will probably be posting a new chapter each week (depending on reviews mwahahahahha) but I think chapter two will be coming soon so I can redeem myself from this one! Please follow or review! **

**Ps this song is called "I'll Just Hold On" by Blake Shelton and I obviously changed lyrics to fit the scenario so don't freak out!**


	2. Come Over

**All right… here it is! The second chapter is here! Same disclaimer as the first and, as always, ENJOY!  
**  
As Izaya walked into his apartment, he couldn't help but smile that devilish smirk of his. After all, he had Shizuo, the monster of Ikebukuro, right where he wanted him. As he plopped down on the giant black leather couch in the middle of his living room, he suddenly burst out laughing.  
"The monster has a crush…ON ME!" was all he managed to spit out before another wave of laughter over came over him. After he caught his breathe, he simply sat there, amazed at how beautifully his plan was coming together. The original plan was to just do it with Shizuo once and then observe the mental toll it took on him. However, the had slept together five times in the past week and a half so Izaya was starting to get bored…

_I turn the tv off, to turn it on again _

_Staring at the blades of the fan as it spins around_

_Counting every crack, the clock is wide awake_

_Talking to myself, anything to make a sound_

…Really really bored. When suddenly, a deliciously evil idea shot into his head and once again the smirk slowly formed across his face…

"_I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over"_

__"Yep, that ought to do it" he mused as he sent the message to the blonde haired bodyguard. He couldn't wait to see Shizu-chan's response…  
_  
You can say we're done the way you always do_

_It's easier to lie to me than to yourself_

__Izaya was genuinely surprised when he saw the text that read:  
Actually, I was thinking… I don't think I can do this anymore Izaya. Tom and Shinra all say that I'll just end up hurt and I'm starting to believe them…  
Izaya let out a loud laugh "Oh Shizu-chan… You're so unpredictable… that's why you're my favorite human" he sughed. Shizuo truly was Izaya's favorite human. His unpredictability was part of his allure… An evil grin spread across Izaya's face as he carefully worded his next message:  
_  
"Forget about your friends_

_You know they're gonna say _

_We're bad for each other_

_But we ain't good for anyone else"_

Izaya was completely in his human-manipulating-game-zone and if he wasn't able to get Shizuo to get to his apartment tonight he would lose… And Izaya hated losing…

_I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care_

__That HAD to be the reason he was getting so anxious when he didn't receive a response. He didn't actually CARE if the ex-bartender showed up… right?  
_  
But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_  
_I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

__On the other side of the city, Shizuo was also staring at his phone nervously. He knew this was a bad idea… he actually had developed feelings for the flea and knew that come tomorrow morning, sneaking out of Izaya's apartment would emotionally kill himself. But the last part of the first message kept ringing through his brain…  
_  
Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

Suddenly, Shizuo began making excuses for why he SHOULD go to the flea's place. First of all, no matter how bad Izaya was for his emotional health, he couldn't deny that he missed the raven haired informant…__

We don't have to miss each other, come over

He knew that this little relationship was unhealthy but who cares?

_We don't have to fix each other, come over_

__He didn't NEED Izaya to make a commitment right now…  
_  
You don't have to say forever, come over_

_You don't have to stay forever, come over_

They had already been sleeping together like five times so what harm could ONE more night possibly do?  
_  
I told you I wouldn't call, I told you I wouldn't care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don't think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

__Shizuo admitted to himself that Izaya was like a drug. Now the question was: Should he ride out the withdrawal and come out stronger or hurl himself into relapse and answer the obvious booty call?  
_  
Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over._

Izaya's heart nearly leaped out of his chest when his phone vibrated. He felt even better when he saw Shizuo's reply:  
"ok I'll be there in 15mins or so"

**So there you have it! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! :D In case you didn't notice, both of these chapters have been country songs but do not fret if you don't like country because the next chapter will be a different genre of music! Overall, there will be about three country songs in the entire fic so once again don't fret! This one is calle "come over" by Kenny Chesney…Please Please Please review! Thanks for reading!**


	3. He (for Izaya)

**Hi it's me again! Sorry I haven't updated in forever but I've been SWAMPED with school work :( anyways enough about my school work… I'm really excited about this chapter because we finally start to get into the story a little bit! I'm testing out writing this in Izaya's POV and then maybe a switch to Shizuo's POV in the middle. I hope it doesn't turn out awkward. Anyways ENJOY! **

**Shizuo's POV**

"Am I really doing this?" I thought as I grabbed my jacket and headed out into the cold. I mean Izaya is a sketchy dude…

_He has no problem with secrets _

_He knows how to keep them _

_He never felt the need to let them show_

I would know that better than anyone. I mean the guy has tried to kill me more times than I can even keep track of. I know that by going over there tonight I'm just going to end up broken and empty like I am after every time I have to sneak out of his apartment…

_And I've had no trouble with speaking _

_Or trusting my instincts_

I mean nobody and I mean NOBODY has ever affected me like this. If anyone else treated me the way he did or tried to kill me, well they'd be six feet under! But with him it's different…

_That maybe this is one that I should know _

__I can't stop thinking about that damn flea and his annoyingness and cockiness and crimson eyes… and that perfectly messy hair of his… and who could forget that smirk?  
"Wait… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!" I screamed.

A few passing by people scurried off in fear as I tried to calm down. As I looked up I realized I had made it to his apartment building… now the tough part… deciding to go in or not…  
_  
But as I'm waiting there _

_The devil on my shoulder stares _

__Why am I stressing so much over a guy that I supposedly can't stand? All these years I've been chasing him and trying to kill him but now the idea of hurting him makes me sick…  
_  
Laughing that the one thing I can't get _

_Is what I need? _

__Have I really fallen that hard? For the flea?_  
_

_He, He is the words that I can't find  
_  
**Izaya's POV **

"When is he going to get here? When is he going to get here?"  
I pace my study as I wait for the blonde haired bodyguard to show up…  
"He said he's be here in 15 minutes and it's already been an hour! Where is he? Wait… why do I care?"…

_How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive? _

__"I used to be invincible,…"  
I thought bitterly to myself as I stressed out over the tardiness of Shizuo. I went back to the mirror to make sure my hair was just right… DAMN IT! Why do I care if my hair looks good? He's just coming over to fuck and that's all! I don't care about him right? I will admit that the times when we are fighting are the times I feel most alive, but its not like I couldn't live without him right? RIGHT?  
_  
And I couldn't speak _

_I couldn't breathe to save my life _

__"Ok ok get a grip on yourself Orihara!"  
I say to myself as I walk into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of vodka…  
_  
All of my chances swim like sinking ships_

I really hate the drunken version of me… I say and do stupid stuff that I regret later… but then again I'm not a huge fan of the head-over-heels-for-Shizuo version of me either… Ah what the hell? I'll only have a little drink to just calm my nerves

_This time it's it _

__"Well cheers to uh… me… I guess…" I say as I pour myself some of the clear liquid. __

I'll drown or make him mine 

__**Shizuo's POV**

_My vocal chords have been fighting _

_My mouth likes to spite me _

__Crap! I can't decide whether to go in and face emotional heartbreak again or go home and also face emotional heartbreak both included suffering but only one included me getting to be with the flea a little longer…  
_  
It never says the words that come to mind _

__"You know what? FUCK IT! I'm going in there and making him give me an explanation for why I feel like this!"

I scoff as I enter the building. I know my logic is stupid but I need answers and whether I like to admit it or not… the informant always has them…  
_  
I brought a stick to a gunfight _

_And I'm stuck with my tongue-tied _

As I reach the door of his apartment it suddenly occurs to me that I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. How will this time be any different if I can't tell him what I'm feeling?...  
_  
I run but I can't hide what's always there is _

__Actually, now that I think about it, this was a stupid idea I should probably just go home… But some other part of me takes over and before I know it, I'm knocking on the flea's door!

_He, He is the words that I can't find _

_How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive? _

__"Holy SHIT! What did I just do? I should definitely leave before he…"  
I don't have time to finish my thought because, next thing I know, the door is opening and Izaya is standing in the doorway. My mouth goes completely dry… What am I going to say?__

And I couldn't speak 

_I couldn't breathe to save my life _

__Before I get the chance to say anything too stupid, a flash of fur coat and pale skin is bombarding me as he lurches forward yelling

"Shizuuu-chaaaannn! I thought you'd never come!" he squeals as he latches on to me.  
"Izaya what the FUCK?" I yell as I pull him off of me.  
"What? I cant be happy to see MY big strong monster of Ikebukuro?"  
He asks as he peers up at me with a flirtatious grin that is surprisingly attractive…  
_  
All of my chances swim like sinking ships _

_This time it's it _

_I'll drown or make him mine _

__"You're drunk!" I scream  
"You're sexy!" he yells as he wraps his arms around my neck and crashes his lips into mine.  
The sheer force of the kiss was enough to send me stumbling backwards as the taste of alcohol and Izaya entered my mouth. I'm overcome by lust as I begin to push him back into the apartment, kissing him in a way I'd never kissed him before. Actually, _this_ is our first kiss. Sure we've done it a few times but we never kissed during it since we didn't admit that we had feelings for each other. As soon as that thought rushed into my mind I pushed him off of me.  
"What? I thought you liked kissing me?" he whimpered  
The want in his voice is too much for me to handle as I go in for another. Then I stop myself.  
"Wait Izaya, that was our first kiss and you were completely wasted… for some reason that just doesn't feel right to me…"  
Now he switches from horny-drunk-Izaya to angry-drunk Izaya  
"What the hell?! So fucking me is no problem yet kissing is the end of the world?"  
"it's not that its just… since youre drunk I feel like I'm taking advantage of you…"  
"Wow Shizuo I'm not some teenage girl! You aren't raping me!"  
"I know its just…"  
"Just what?"  
"Never mind" I say as I start to head for the door  
"Oh no you don't" he yells as he grabs my forearm. "Stop being a pussy and tell me!"  
"No just get off me"  
"What is wrong with you?"  
"I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU GOD DAMMIT!" I yell as I turn around to face him…

_I can see these things I'd do _

_But never seem to follow through _

__Woah! Dumb idea!

"wait Izaya…" I start to explain before I, once again, feel his lips smash into mine.  
"Silly Shizu-chan… don't you know I love you too?" he slurs as he pulls me into a tight hug…__

He, He is the words that I can't find 

_How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive? _

__"You what?"  
"Jeez youre dumber than I thought… I said I loved you too"

He sighed as he remained a tight grip on my chest. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with joy! Izaya loved me back! I didn't care about all the complications that were sure to come with this relationship… I just wanted him to be mine…_  
_

_He, He is the words that I can't find _

_How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive? _

__"Yea…yea… so now that I said that, can we do it?"  
He hiccupped as he looked up at me with those crimson orbs that never failed to peirce my soul. And my happiness shattered…  
_  
And I couldn't speak _

_I couldn't breathe to save my life _

__The little bastard had just manipulated me the way he does everyone else! I almost exploded with rage as I shoved him off me and onto the couch.  
"Wait so you didn't mean that? FUCK you I'm out of here!"  
I yell as I head for door only to be knocked to the floor by a empty bottle of vodka slamming into my head…  
_  
All of my chances swim like sinking ships _

_This time it's it _

_I'll drown or make him mine _

__"What the FUCK?!"  
I roar as I roll over just in time to see the informant crawling towards me.  
"Don't you get it Shizu-chan?"  
He purrs as he climbs on top of me…_  
_

_I couldn't speak _

_I couldn't breathe to save my life_

I want to shove him off and out the window for hitting me with a freaking bottle but I'm frozen as he begins to plant a trail of kisses from collarbone up to my ear, simultaneously sending shivers down my spine. Then he leans in close to my ear and whispers  
"I'm all yours"…_  
_

_All of my chances swim like sinking ships _

_This time it's it _

__My urges take over as I push him back onto the couch and begin umbutonning my shirt. Forget feelings! Ill deal with that in the morning… once I finish fucking Izaya senseless!__

I'll drown or make him mine

__**WOW! That was longer than I thought it would be but none the less I enjoyed writing it! I know the first two paragraphs were a tad slow so I hope this makes up for them! My apologies for the repeated profanity but I cant imagine this scene without them throwing around the f-bomb and a few other choice words! The song I used for this is called  
She (for Liz)- Parachute **

**Please let me know if you prefer POV or third person or else I cant really write the next chapter now can I? :) have a nice day and thanks for reading!**


	4. Booty Call

**Alrighty guys! Here's another chapter! This one has waaay more text than most of them do! I shortened the song because the lyrics were quite repetitive and tedious. In case you couldn't tell by the chapter title… Izaya and Shizuo will be discussing where their relationship stands! Ps its in both POVs so here it goes… CHAPTER#4  
PPS: In case any of y'all got the "You're drunk" "You're sexy" reference… GOOD job! For those of you who didn't well it's a family guy thing ;)**

Shizuo's POV

As I opened my eyes, the sunlight hit my face. I roll over to find my phone when I notice… this isn't my bedroom! Suddenly all of last night's memories come flooding back to me! Oh my God… I slept here… in Izaya's house… in his bed… but how? How had I managed to stay the entire night without being asked to leave? As I closed my eyes, a memory pushed itself into my mind…  
"Silly Shizu-chan… don't you know I love you too?" his voice rang out in my mind  
Holy shit! That's right Izaya said he loved me! I sat up in the bed so quickly I could swear I felt it shake. Then I heard a loud moan from the other side of the bed  
"What the HELL?! God dammit my head hurts like a mother! And WHY are the fucking blinds open?"  
The informant groaned as he rolled out of bed and strode across the room (in all his naked glory) to close the curtains. It wasn't until he turned around that he noticed me in the bed.  
"The FUCK?! Shizuo why the hell are you in my bed? And damn why is it so BRIGHT in this room?" he yelped in surprise.  
"Well… uh… last night we kinda…"  
"No shit! Judging by my nudity and you nudity, not to mention the pain in my ass, I could have guessed! My real question is: why are you still HERE?!"  
So he doesn't remember the whole "I love you too" thing? Wow I didn't expect the rejections to hurt this much… my whole world feels like its tearing apart…  
"So you really don't remember do you?"  
"Remember what? In case your protozoan brain didn't realize, I was completely wasted last night!" He spat as slouched down onto the bed.  
As he began pulling on some black and grey plaid boxers, I couldn't help but start to get a little angry. I mean who did this guy think he was? Getting wasted, confessing love, and then conveniently forgetting the whole ordeal… what an asshole!  
"What do you mean you don't remember?!"  
I couldn't help but raise my voice I was so frustrated.  
"I MEAN that I don't remember anything and don't fucking yell! My head is pounding and I think I'm going to be sick…"  
He yelled as he ran off towards the bathroom… God this guy could be a real pain in the ass when he wanted to be. As I sat there thinking about last night's events, Izaya emerged from the bathroom.  
"Well what are you waiting for? A home cooked breakfast? Put on some clothes and get going!" He demanded as he began to disrobe.  
As the boxers came off I couldn't help but gaze down… _there  
_"Take a picture it'll last longer" he smirks as he walks into the bathroom  
"Well I'm going to take a shower so try and be gone when I get out…"  
"Wait I need to talk to you…" I started  
"Fine… fine just as soon as I'm done showering"  
He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose and slammed the bathroom door.  
Remind me WHY I love this guy again?****

Izaya's POV  
I kept my angry façade until I made sure the shower was on loud enough so Shizuo couldn't hear me… then I looked in the mirror and began to cry. As I stepped into the shower all that ran through my mind was…  
"This shouldn't have happened. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out. This wasn't part of the PLAN!"  
I'll admit in the beginning all I wanted to do was hurt Shizuo as much as emotionally possible but now I think I'm falling for the blonde-headed brute. I mean why else would that pained look in his eyes when I yelled at him affect me like this? Is it possible that I got so drunk last night I forgot an important conversation?  
"AHHH FUCK VODKA!" I yelled

"Are you ok in there?" he asked from behind the door  
"Yea I'm fine"  
Actually, I'm anything but fine! Confused and angry could better describe the feeling I was having right now. Confused because I don't know all what happened last night and because I'm not sure exactly how I feel about him. Most of all I'm angry at myself for treating him this way. I've done some pretty horrible things in my life (the whole making people jump off buildings, hiding dullahans' heads, turning friends against each other etc.) but for some reason guilt is destroying me right now. I feel so guilty for snapping at him like that  
"now he probably wont be coming back…"  
As soon as that thought entered my head my eyes widened. No! Shizuo cant leave… AHH I'm so confused! On one hand I want to protect him by keeping my distance, because, lets face it, who has ever had anything good happen to them from being around me? But at the same time I don't think I'm strong enough to let him go. To be honest.. this morning when I saw him in my bed it took every bit of willpower in me not to jump on to him and hold on forever… wow that sounds lame doesn't it? Why does he affect me so much? Is it because I'm in-  
Suddenly my phone goes off in the other room.  
"Oh shit that's my boss's ringtone!" I yell as I leap out of the shower and throw on a towel. When I reached the phone I saw that it wasn't a call but a text from my boss saying: Your meeting at 1 has been moved to 2.  
Oh thank God since its already 11… Damn how did I sleep so long? Now that I think about it.. last nght was the first time in months I'd slept through the whole night without any of those horrid nightmares…  
By the time I get out of the bathroom, Shizuo has already thrown on some jeans and a tee and DAMN! He looks good! How did I get a guy with that body to sleep with me again? At that moment I'd never tried to remember anything as much as I was trying to remember last night…  
"Take a picture it'll last longer"  
The statement broke me from my gaze at his pefect body and I realized he must have noticed me staring… awkward…  
"oh.. uh yea…" I muttered as I walked into the kitchen  
Wow I can think of seven snappy comebacks I could have made to that yet for some reason didn't. I need to remember to keep up my harsh façade so I don't hurt him anymore than he already is. I refuse to drag him along anymore!  
"So judging by the fact that you are still in my apartment… I'm assuming you still want to talk right?" I say, trying to put as much venom in my voice as possible.  
I see him wince and part of me dies inside.  
"Yea I do…"  
"ok I'm listening"  
"Well… last night…"  
"Last night WHAT Shizuo?" I demand as I fall onto the bed  
"Seriously, unlike you, I have a meeting at 2 so please hurry up…"  
"All right Izaya cut the FUCKING attitude ok?" he screams as he slams his hands on the bed, on either sides of my head. Just looking at the blonde towering over me with such power and those golden eyes staring into mine is starting to provoke a certain reaction from my body that I'd rather not discuss right now…  
"Ok NOW you've got my attention." I purr as I watch his face turn from anger to something else… and then right back to anger…  
"I don't know what you do or do not remember about last night but I'll summarize it for you… We made out and decided to start dating…"  
At the last part his eyes turned away as if he was ashamed… Then the words finally connected…  
"Dating? Shizuo don't make me laugh!"  
"I'm dead serious flea" he roared as I was pinned further down into the matress.  
"so am I Shizu-chan… don't get me wrong…" I say as I start to slide out of his grasp.  
"_I like you_" I mused as I inched my face closer to his.  
Just as his eyes began to close and he leaned in for the kiss I pushed him off.  
_"Don't want to Marry you"  
_I added with a smirk, which earned me a hate-filled (and somewhat sexy) glare.  
"Oh don't give me that face Shizu-chan" I chuckle as I plop down in lap straddle him._  
_"_I really wanna do you_"I smile as I lean in closer…_  
_"_Everytime gonna blow your mind_"  
I whisper in his ear this time earning me a shudder from the monster. Damn he is perfect! Wait, I have to stick to the plan! The plan is to establish the fact that we are fuck buddies and that's ALL! With this thought in mind…_  
_"_Just don't get attached when I call you up trying to get some ass all night_"  
I added smugly and laughed. To Shizuo the laugh must have seemed mocking however its not him I'm mocking. I'm a true idiot if I think I can continue this without getting attached to him…  
"I mean SERIOUSLY Shizuo…" I start as I stand and turn away.  
I can't bare to look him in the eyes as I say the next part…_  
_"_I don't want a boyfriend… Just want to get some_"  
"Liar" he growled as he stood from the bed.

**Sorry for the cliffhanger but when I originally typed this as a two song chapter, it was simply too long! Don't worry I'm almost done with the second portion so it will be up either tonight or tomorrow :) so please don't kill me! Ps the song in the chapter is Booty Call- Ke$ha but I changed it soo much since its so repetitive. Anyways have a great day and don't forget to review! 3**


	5. Casual Sex

**All right! So I managed to finish this the same night as chapter #4 so WHOO HOO! I'm not as pleased with this chapter as the last but nonetheless I hope y'all like it :)**

Oh shit! How did he know? How did he possibly see through me like that? I start to panic as he approaches me… _  
_"No Shizu-chan… If I wanted you don't you think I would have already gotten you?"  
I say as smugly as possible while the bodyguard continues to approach me.  
"Oh really?" he inquires as he tilts his head in an oh-so-adorable way.  
Does he realize how impossible he's making my whole plan right now? I'm about to give him a cocky retort when I'm suddenly pinned against the wall.  
"Shizu-chan let me g-go" I gasp as he begins to suck and kiss on my neck.  
"You said you didn't want me…"  
He says with a devious smirk even I have to appreciate.  
"So…" he purrs as he leans in…  
"Prove it!"  
And before I even have the chance to object, he smashes his lips into mine. At first I try to struggle, to somehow get this man off of me but next thing I know, I'm kissing back like some hormone-crazed teenager. I can't get over how incredibly perfect this guy is! As his tongue slides into my mouth, my knees go weak and I'm pretty sure I would have fallen if it weren't for his body being pressed against mine. Soon, he slides his leg between mine and begins to rub it against my crotch. It isn't until then that I finally snap out of it. What am I doing? I want nothing more than to continue this but I just cant do this to myself anymore. I feel around in my pocket for my knife… I have to get him off me somehow! I whip out the knife and send a cut across his chest.  
"I told you to GET OFF!" I scream as the kiss is broken and he stumbles backwards.  
"Damn it flea! That hurt!"  
"Too bad… you didn't listen the first time so I figured some physical incentive was necessary"  
"Well sorry it didn't seem like you wanted me off when you were moaning and grinding against me!" He spat.  
"Just get the fuck out of my house! First I wake up next to you of all people and now you're over here basically raping me!"  
"All I'm saying is that you seemed to be enjoying yourself…"  
"Well I wasn't… I don't love you and I never will!" I say with tears in my eyes as I run into the bedroom.

**Shizuo's POV  
**"Wait… Izaya!"  
I start to call before I realize it's too late… I've successfully fucked everything up! If he didn't completely hate me before… he does now. Goddamn why am I so stupid? It takes a couple seconds for the pain of the gash in my chest to register. I look down at the pool of blood on the floor and sigh… damn I should probably get that fixed. I walk up to the bedroom door and knock.  
"Izaya? I know you're pissed but do you have any bandages?"  
No answer.  
"Uh… I'm bleeding all over your carpet…"  
Suddenly the door swings open and Izaya steps out.

"Get your ass in the bathroom! You have no idea how hard it is to get blood out of Persian rugs!" He yells

**Izaya's POV**

"Alright, take off your shirt so I can stitch you up!" I demand  
He complies and rips off the shirt, effectively spraying blood all over the place!  
"Preferably _after_ you get in the bathroom" I sigh  
"Oh uh… sorry"  
"Just go" I mutter as I pinch the bridge of my nose.  
As I follow him into the bathroom I notice scratches on his back.  
"The fuck?" I mumble  
He must have heard me because he suddenly chuckles.  
"Those are from you! You're surprisingly… uh let's just say passionate… when you're drunk!"  
I can't help but smile a little as I blush and turn my head to the floor.  
"You really are different when you have a little vodka in you" he laughs  
"Yea… yea… real funny! Now turn around so I can stitch you up before you bleed to death," I say as I reach into the cabinet and pull out various medical supplies.  
As I begin to tend to his wounds I can't help but notice how perfectly toned his chest is.  
"So… Izaya?" is voice brings me out of my perverted daydreams  
"Huh?" I try to sound as aloof as possible…  
"If you really don't love me then where does that put us?"  
I can't contain my laughter…  
"Shizuo… isn't it obvious?"  
The confused look on his face says that it isn't…  
"We're in a fuck buddies situation…"

_You'll never meet my mom,_

_Strings will never be attached,_

_We'll always get along,_

_'Cause it doesn't have to last,_

__"Its really quite simple" I start to explain…  
"_Anytime I call, you don't have to call me back,_" I say as I look up to meet his eyes_  
_"I mean…_ I'm never gonna fall, but I'm never hard to catch._" I add with a smirk.  
"And just what the hell does that mean?" he roars  
"Shizuo… _Just be cool with it, just get down with it,_"  
He still doesn't seem convinced

"_There's nothing wrong with it 'cause it's easier this way,_"

"So what are we doing then?"

"Shizu-chan really? Do I have to spell it out?"

Silence…  
"Ok its really quite simple… _It's just you're typical hardcore, casual sex!_"

I explain further…_  
_"_Single but we're lovers, crazy for each other,_"

_Just you're typical hardcore, casual sex,_

_We're wild under the covers, crazy for each other._

__"Oh I get it…" so he finally understood! Thank God!

_We don't have to go on dates,_

_You don't have to like my friends,  
I' wont get in your face when you makin' other plans,_

__"So are you in?" I ask  
_  
if you tired of the taste,_

_We can try another blend,_

__"Only if you are…" he smirks as he pulls me into my lap…  
_  
My heart will never break I'm just here to break a sweat._

_That's why he's cool with it; he's down with it,_

_There's nothing wrong with it 'cause it's easier this way,_

__"Good" I muse as I begin to kiss his chest and neck earning me a few moans.  
_  
She's so cool with it, She's down with it,_

_There's nothing wrong with it, don't want it any other way._

"Well you're all fixed up!" I chirp  
Suddenly; he stands up and carries me into the bedroom

_It's just you're typical hardcore, casual sex,_

_Single but we're lovers, crazy for each other,_

_Just you're typical hardcore, casual sex,_

_We're wild under the covers, crazy for each other._

__I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him as hard as I can. All of a sudden I feel my back hit a wall. We break the kiss so we can actually breathe.  
"Glad we got that sorted out," he says as he begins to grope my ass.  
"Now where were we?" he purrs as he begins to grind back and forth.

_She's so cool with it, She's down with it,_

_There's nothing wrong with it 'cause it's easier this way,_

__I try to suppress any noises but its in vain since the second he begins to kiss my neck, I moan…  
_  
She's so cool with it, She's down with it,_

_There's nothing wrong with it, don't want it any other way._

__I immediately cover my mouth to avoid further embarrassment. Unfortunately, he notices and tries to pull my hand away.  
"Come on Izaya… its just us two"  
My hand stays planted firmly on my mouth.  
"That's fine… I have other ways of making you scream," he whispers in my ear.  
_  
It's just you're typical hardcore, casual sex,_

_Single but we're lovers, crazy for each other,_

He throws me down on the bed and begins to pull of my shirt.  
"Last chance to take your hand off your mouth"  
When he realizes my hand is still there, a devilish grin spreads across his face.  
"Fine! Looks like we'll have to do this the hard way…"  
I shiver as he leans down and begins to unbutton my pants…  
"Just how I like it," he grins as he looks back up at me…

_Just you're typical hardcore, casual sex,_

_We're wild under the covers, crazy for each other._

__I have to bite down on my hand as he once again begins to grind up against me. Suddenly he pulls my pants, along with my boxers down.  
"Well it surely looks like SOME part of you is enjoying this" he chuckles

_Everybody want's a lover like that,_

_Fire under the covers, crazy for each other,_

__"Wait ShizuOH!" I scream as he takes my cock into his mouth.  
He looks up at me with a playful glance and continues to work his tongue in ways I didn't even know possible. I bite on my hand so hard it begins to bleed. I grip the sheets with my free hand as I try to regain control of myself. It doesn't seem to work though, Shizuo is just too good. As I start to reach my climax I cant hold it in any longer…__

Everybody wants a lover her like that

_Fire under the covers, crazy for each other._

"SHIZUO" I scream at the top of my lungs as I finally burst.  
"See? Now that wasn't so hard was it?" he coos as he begins to stroke my hair.  
I'm utterly mortified! Not only did I just come in another guy's mouth but I had never screamed somebody's name like that! I just want to curl up into a ball and die… He notices my humility and pulls me into a tight hug.  
"Just remember… sex buddies or not… you're mine now!" he growls into my ear, as I blush even worse.

**So there you have it! I don't like this one as much as the last… the smut was not well written so sorry :( I hoped you enjoyed it! The song was Casual Sex-My Darkest Days. So please review so I can know how to improve! I'm on break this week so hopefully a few more chapters will be added… but only if I get reviews! :D have a good day and thanks for your time!**


	6. Things I'll Never Say

**Hey guys! First of all I want to start by thanking yall for the WONDERFUL reviews! I've responded to each one so if you didn't receive a response please contact me because the PM must have not been sent :( Even though I didn't take much time writing this chapter… It is one of my favorites. It kind of sums up the situation and gives you a good idea as to what each character is feeling. I'll end this A/N before I give too much away… ENJOY**

Izaya's POV  
Wait… what did he just say? Did he just say that I'm _his_?Oh HELL no! Izaya Orihara does not belong to anyone!  
"Well you certainly are a possessive monster…" I sneer.  
"Monster? Last time I checked my name was ShizuOH!" he says with a chuckle, clearly mocking me!  
I simply roll my eyes and groan as I stand from the bed and walk towards my closet. As I look up to check my clock I notice that its 1:30!  
"Holy SHIT! I'm going to be late to my meeting!" I scream as I start to rummage for clothes.  
I quickly throw on my typical black jeans along with a black V-neck and my trusty fur trimmed coat. I run over to my desk and grab the documents that I'll need for this particular meeting. As I run back into the bedroom, I notice that Shizuo is just sitting on my bed… SLEEPING!  
"Get up!" I yell as I throw a pillow at him.  
"If I wasn't running late I'd kick your ass for that last comment and throw you out of my house"  
I try to sound as stern as possible as I grab various knives and hide them in my clothes. To be honest, I'm so glad I have this meeting. I have no idea what I'd do if I had to stay in the same room as him after what just happened! On the other hand, in a way, I wish I could spend all day with Shizuo… just the two of us… talking and just being together… without all the fighting…  
"Why are you bringing so many knives?"  
His question shook me out of la-la-land and back to reality.  
"Well this is a particularly dangerous client, so I've got to be protected"  
"Why are you meeting with someone so dangerous?"  
"Because its my job..." I sighed, seriously this guy can be so stupid sometimes.  
It was his next response that threw me off though…  
"Well I'm not sure I like that idea" he said as he stood in front of the door.  
Wait does that mean he cares about me? No of course not! That couldn't be it… right?  
"And just why not?"  
"Because Izaya… I… um… am the only one allowed to kill you! Not some jackass who wants information!"  
So my assumptions were confirmed… Shizuo didn't really care about me…  
"Oh I see… well too bad because I'm going! I'll be back around 4 so by that time I want you out of here! Understood?" I say I move around him to exit  
"Sure…" he rolls his eyes  
"Just make sure you don't die cause I'm looking for round 2!" he smirks as he slaps my ass while I'm walking out.  
Damn that barbaric protozoan…

**Shizuo's POV**_  
I'm tugging at my hair_  
_I'm pulling at my clothes_

What the hell was that? Once again my stupid words made him mad… Why can't I be honest around him? Why do I get so weird?

_I'm trying to keep my cool_  
_I know it shows_  
_I'm staring at my feet_  
_My cheeks are turning red_

I know the whole ShizuOH comment made him mad but it was so worth the adorable blush that spread across his face when I said it. I know I embarrassed him but I was really just trying to let him know how happy him screaming my name had made me…

_I'm searching for the words inside my head_

__And then with that whole meeting thing… Why couldn't I just tell him that I wanted him to be safe because I actually love him? Instead I had to make a stupid joke as he was leaving… that was so unlike me…_  
_

_(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
_

At that moment I'd wanted noting more than to pull Izaya close and never let him go… to never let him be hurt ever again… by anyone… I just wanted to protect the one thing I care most about in this world…_  
_

_If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you... away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight_

__I wish I had told him how I feel… Why am I so afraid?__

If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today

Is it because I'm afraid that he'll reject me? That I'll lose him forever?_  
_

_Guess, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say_

__**Izaya's POV  
**Wait, what just happened? For the second time today, I was completely confused. The second I exited the apartment, I rushed into a nearby ally and sat down. I needed a moment to think… So Shizuo had made it clear that he only cared about if I was around to sleep with him… But there was something deeper… For a split second I thought he cared about me so why didn't I tell him that stuff about wanting to spend the day with him?_**  
**_

_It don't do me any good  
It's just a waste of time  
What use is it to you  
What's on my mind_

Not that he would care… In fact he'd probably laugh at me like he did earlier. However, if I don't tell him how I feel, we'll remain in this situation forever…  
_  
If it ain't coming out  
We're not going anywhere_

But there's no way I could ever tell him… I'd face possible rejection and ridicule… There's no way my pride would let me do that…__

So why can't I just tell you that I care

__I stood up and began walking to my appointment. I'm so pissed that he's getting to me like this… _  
_

_(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it_

__I've talked my way out of countless situations so how come I can't even formulate a proper sentence around the blonde? _  
_

_If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you... away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight_

How come I never get flustered and awkward around anyone else?__

If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

Oh my God… I'm in love with Shizuo Hewajima!__

What's wrong with my tongue  
These words keep slipping away

Just admitting it to myself made me speechless…  
_  
I stutter, I stumble  
Like I've got nothing to say_

__How can I tell him? I mean I have to tell him eventually right? I cant go on living like this everyday wondering what he's thinking… but for some reason every time I see him, all logic goes out the window and I'm left like a complete moron…_  
_

_(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it_

__Looks like I'm stuck like this, a slave to my own emotions, until I can get the courage to confess…_  
_

_Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say_

**Shizuo's POV  
**What am I going to do? I'm not sure I can go on like this… but I know I couldn't go on without Izaya… **  
**_  
If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you...away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight_

I need to tell him but I cant. I already know how this would play out. I'd tell him and he'd give me that smirk and laugh at me… then probably tell me to get the fuck out.__

If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today

He's already made it abundantly clear that this relationship is for the point of meaningless sex and meaningless sex only…  
_  
Guess, I'm wishing my life away_

I could never tell him the truth…__

With these things I'll never say

That I'm so hopelessly in love with Izaya Orihara…__

These things I'll never say

**Well there you have it! I hope you enjoyed it! I realize its kinda weird having Shizuo make the witty comments and mock Izaya… but I just couldn't resist throwing in those lines ;) The song was Things I'll Never Say- Avril Lavigne. I hope y'all enjoyed it and don't forget to keep those awesome reviews coming! :) **


	7. Save You Tonight

**A/N: Once again I would just like to thank anyone who took time out of his or her day to review! It really is awesome when I check my email and see a review… MAKES MY DAY! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!**

Shizuo's POV  
"I'm in love with Izaya Orihara"  
The thought ran through my brain a million times as I began to clean up the mess we'd made in his apartment. I smiled when I found the pants he had been so frantically searching for earlier. My smile quickly faded as I cut my finger on a blade that was hidden in the pocket. As I looked down at the small crimson drop on my finger, it hit me:  
I'm in love with the guy who single handedly ruined my life! For years this little bastard has been taunting me and provoking me into making the worse mistakes of my life! It's because of him that I feel like a monster! I'm supposed to hate this guy with every fabric of my being but for some reason I cant… I was shaken from my thoughts by the beeping of the microwave. As I rushed into the kitchen to grab my tea, I noticed the clock on the wall said that it was six.  
"I'll be back around 4 so by that time I want you out of here!"  
His words rang out in my head. Crap! I need to get my stuff and get out before he gets back! As I race to the door, another thought flashed through my mind,  
"Where is he?"  
Grant it I didn't know much about Izaya's job but I assumed that meetings wouldn't take him four hours! Suddenly all sorts of horrible images began to flood my mind.  
"What if something awful happened?"  
"No Izaya knows how to take care of himself I mean even I haven't been able to kill him!"  
"But still… what if he was ambushed and is now lying in a ditch somewhere?"  
Damn it! I just fell in love with this guy and already I have to go make sure he didn't get killed? Wow I knew this wasn't going to be a normal relationship (hell it isn't even a real relationship yet!) but really? Just as I was headed for the door I heard it begin to unlock…  
"HE'S BACK!" I think happily  
"Oh wait I'm not supposed to be here… oh shit HES BACK!"  
I think frantically as I wonder how I'm supposed to get out. Before I can do anything too stupid the front door swings open and Izaya walks in. Actually it's more like a stumble, he looks awful. His clothes are torn and he is limping.  
"Hey didn't I tell you to leave? Whatever, I need a drink."  
All I can do is stand there in complete shock. It isn't until then that I notice the huge bruise on the side of his face that I finally speak.

_I want to save you  
Want to save your heart tonight  
Don't wanna break you  
See you torn apart  
_  
"My God Izaya! What happened to you?"  
"Oh this? Just some scratches I'll be fine." He mumbles as he pours himself a drink.  
As I walk up to him I notice that the bruise on his cheek has the imprint of a ring on it and suddenly I'm overwhelmed with anger.  
"Who did this to you?" I yell as I storm over to him.  
"It's not a big deal Shizu-chan just forget about it" he sighed and turned his face away.  
"Tell me!" I roar as I jerk him around to face me, making him drop his drink.

_It's a quarter to eight  
Can't think at all  
I'm so frustrated._

"Damn it Shizuo I said forget about it!"  
As he began to clean the drink I noticed his hands were shaking.  
"Izaya… you need to make whoever did this to you stop… or…"  
"It's better than getting fired!"  
he screamed as he gave up on the drink and stormed out of the room. Damn it! Looks like I somehow managed to fuck up again. I sighed as I followed him into the bedroom. If this conversation was going to get anywhere I needed to calm down…

_If you told me to jump, I'd take the fall  
I won't let you take it_

"Fired? Does that mean your boss is doing this to you? Since when do you have a boss?"  
"For the last time… just forget I even said anything"  
"Just tell me Izaya," I said in the calmest manner I could as I grabbed his wrist.  
He stared at me for a couple of seconds before responding,  
"When I dropped from Raira, I had no place to go. This guy took me in and set me up with everything I needed to become an informant. Turns out I'm pretty good at it so now he uses me for almost all his information."  
Wow! I guess I had never really thought much about how he became an informant.  
"Today I was late for a meeting with a very important client, the client thought I was with the police or something, flipped out and left."  
As I thought back, I realized Izaya was late because I had made him stay behind… And now he was in trouble… because of me…  
"Understandably, my boss got pissed and well…" he trailed off as he stared at the floor.  
Fuck everything I said about being calm earlier! The idea of someone hurting Izaya is simply too much!  
"So he thought it was ok to fucking punch you in the face?"  
I roared as I felt the anger growing inside of me. Nobody and I mean NOBODY messes with MY Izaya!

_All that you want's under your nose  
_  
"Seriously, Shizuo its ok! I deserve it for being late! This guy was a really important client!" he said as he tried to avert my stares.

_You should open your eyes but they stay closed,  
_  
"No its not ok Izaya! I'M the reason you were late! I'M the reason he did this to you! What's his name? I'm going to go kill him!"

_I want to save you  
Want to save your heart tonight  
Don't wanna break you  
See you torn apart  
_  
All of a sudden Izaya began to laugh. But it wasn't a normal one, hell it wasn't even like his usual evil laugh, this one was different. It sounded defeated and broken and downright disturbing.  
"Oh Shizu-chan… It doesn't matter if I tell you his name or not… he has much more dangerous people than YOU looking for him…" he said yet kept his gaze on the floor.  
"I don't care WHO'S looking for him! When I find that asshole ill be the most dangerous person on the fucking planet! Nobody messes with the people I love and gets away with it"

_I can't be no superman  
But for you I'd be superhuman  
I want to save you  
Save you, tonight_

Oh shit! Did I just say that?  
Suddenly his head shot up.  
"Wha-what did you say?"  
"Nothing. I should be leaving."  
"Wait… It's already seven… you might as well stay for dinner"  
I was so shocked I nearly fell over.  
"What? Never heard of dinner before?" he smiled and suddenly the whole mood changed.  
"Common I'll make some tuna." He said as he made his way into the kitchen.  
What the fuck just happened?

**Izaya's POV**  
Did I just hear what I think I heard? No it couldn't have been… could it? The possibility that Shizuo considered me a loved one filled me with joy. Suddenly, I realized something that terrified me. If my boss ever found out that I cared for Shizuo, he would use that against me. And if he found out Shizuo was the reason for me being late to the meeting today… I don't even want to think of what he would do to Shizuo. Part of me wants Shizuo to love me but another part doesn't so I can protect him. All of these thoughts rushed through my head as I prepared the tuna.  
"Need any help?" he asked from the living room.  
"Sure! Why don't you start cutting the vegetables."  
I was nearly done with the fish when I heard a loud string of cusses.  
"DAMMIT STUPID FUCKING KNIFE!"  
Shizuo roared as he stuck his finger in his mouth. I sighed as I walked over to where he was standing.  
"Let me see it" I said soothingly as I reached for his hand.  
"Stupid knife…"  
He muttered as he stuck out his finger and sure enough there was a gash in it.  
"Silly Shizu-chan… let me go get a bandage" I muse as I walk to the bathroom.

**Shizuo's POV  
**As we sat down to dinner, I couldn't help but feel a little happy. We were eating just like a real couple would. Just like any happy, healthy, normal, real couple… We tried making small talk but mostly just ate. It was better that way since every time I tried to look at him I was distracted by that bruise on his perfect face. I could tell that he was trying to avoid mentioning it. He looked as if he were about to cry.  
_  
To him you are just a punching  
And I tried to warn you_

_What you want, what you need has been right here  
I can see that you're holding back those tears_

Every time I saw it I was filled with anger. I want to protect Izaya so badly! He had already been through so much; I couldn't bear to see him go through any more pain. If only he would let me in…

_I want to save you  
Want to save your heart tonight  
Don't wanna break you  
See you torn apart_

It was killing me that he wouldn't let me help. If only he would just let me in on the whole scenario I could save him. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this…

_I can't be no superman  
But for you I'd be superhuman  
I want to save you  
Save you, tonight_

I cant just sit back and watch the person I love suffer like this…

_I wanna save you, save you, save you tonight_

I realize this is selfish, but I'm beginning to wonder if I can be around Izaya if he wont let me in…

_I wanna save you, save you, save you tonight_

**A/N: And there you have it! Chapter 7! The song was Save You Tonight-One Direction and before you freak out yes I changed the lyrics. The original lyrics did not make any sense in this context! I really like writing such a protective Shizuo haha I hope y'all enjoyed and don't forget to review! It will make me update faster! 3 **


	8. California King Bed

**I don't really have a whole lot of setup for this chapter so here it goes… as always… I hope y'all enjoy it!  
**

**Shizuo's POV**  
After we finished dinner and cleaned up I decided that it was probably time to go.

"Uh… thanks for the food and all… but I should probably be heading out I mean you have work to do and I'm just getting in the way…" I awkwardly mumble.

But that wasn't the real reason I wanted to leave. I needed to get out of there and think for a moment, to just step back and evaluate the situation I was in. I used to hate the guy that I am now in love with, only he thinks of me solely as an idiot that is only useful for the occasional hook up. Also I want to protect him from whatever hurts him but since we used to try to kill each other, he would never think to let me in… Wow… it even sounds fucked up in MY head… But I loved the guy… and that's precisely why I have to try to distance myself from him… (Speak of the devil) I was jarred out of my thoughts by the sound of his voice.

**Izaya's POV**  
Wait Shizuo's leaving? Well doesn't he leave EVERY time? Why am I so eager to make him stay? It's just something about the way that he got so concerned earlier that makes me want him here… ugh even I cant explain that logic. All I know is that I cant let him walk out that door!  
"I really don't have that much work… plus its already nine so instead of going all the way back to Ikebukuro… why don't you… uh… just maybe stay here the night?"

Well that surely didn't come out the way I had planned… I couldn't help it though I had to think of some excuse to keep him here! No matter how stupid it sounded!  
"You want me to stay over?"  
"Uh… yea… plus I mean you DID make a huge mess so I think you owe it to me to clean up!"  
I tried to be as cocky and sarcastic as possible to try and convince him that I wasn't mentally freaking out. I was relieved when I heard him chuckle.  
"I guess you're right! Well then lets get to it!" he said as he marched off to the bedroom.

**Shizuo's POV  
**Izaya just asked me to spend the night… and I said yes? What am I thinking? A few minutes ago I had convinced myself that I was going to stay as far away from this guy as possible and now I'm about to cozy up next to him? Wait why does he want me to stay over? Is it possible that…  
"Shizu-chan! Where did you put my pants from earlier?"  
"What? Oh… in the hamper I think… gosh Izaya your room is a mess!"  
"Yea... yea… well how do you think it got this way?" he said with a playful smirk.  
We continued in this playful yet completely fake manner until the room was spotless. Both of us were doing our best to play it casual but I think we both realized that a serious conversation had to be had.  
"So now that the room is clean I'm going to wash up and hit the sack," he yawned as he strolled off into the bathroom.  
It was aggravating me how chill the flea was being, like he hadn't just asked me to spend the night a few minutes ago!  
"Izaya, drop the act. What game are you playing now?"  
"I'm not playing Shizu-chan! The fact that you would even think so hurts my heart!"  
He teased from behind the bathroom door. Goddamn this guy is starting to piss me off!  
"Seriously flea, I'm starting to get angry! Just tell me why you asked me to stay over."  
Suddenly the door swung open and Izaya stood there in his boxers and a t-shirt smirking as usual.  
"Oh I'm sorry are you not allowed to have sleep overs?"  
That's it! I'm going to kill this guy! I promptly grab him by his shirt and throw him at the nearest wall.  
"God damn Shizuo! What the hell?"  
"Tell me… Now" I growl as I approach him.  
"All right all right! All you had to ask!" he chuckled  
I guess the murderous grin on my face must have scared him a little because all of a sudden he face grew serious.  
"Ok, all jokes aside, I wanted you to stay here because I know my boss has a hunch that I missed the meeting today because of someone. However, I also know that my building is being watched right now. Luckily, they can't see into the apartment, but they have been watching the entrance all day so if you were to leave he would know something's up. And after your little protective rant earlier I realized that we need to have each others backs for the time being."  
Wow that almost sounded legit for a second. He must really think I'm stupid. I mean I've known the guy for nine years now, I'm pretty sure I can tell when he's lying.  
"Good one…" I start as I pick him up by the scruff and back him against a wall.  
"…Try again" I growl as I lean my face dangerously close to his.  
"I'm not lying!" he insists yet he cant meet my gaze.  
"Common Izaya… I can tell when you're lying"  
Suddenly he exploded.  
"Oh really!? Then tell me, Mr. mind reader, just why the fuck DID I ask you to stay over?!" He yells as his eyes snap to meet mine.  
I'm literally speechless. To be honest, I have no idea why he would want me to stay over.  
"What do you want me to say? That I want you to stay so we can cuddle?"  
"Well no…"  
"What? Do you want me to say that I NEED you here?"  
Yes.  
"Hm? Do you want me to say that I can't stand to be without you?"  
Yes. Just say it!  
"That I love you or some shit?"  
Yes. We both know you do! Just admit it!  
"Well…what is it?"  
I couldn't bring myself to respond.  
"You don't have an answer? So you're just going to hold me against the wall for another hour?"  
"Fuck this I'm going to bed! You wanted me over for whatever reason well I'm over and now I'm going to bed!" I say as I drop him and walk over to the bed.  
Izaya is never going to admit his feelings for me. I'm just wasting my time and putting myself in danger. I climb into his bed, grab his pillow and start to fall asleep. If this truly is my last night here, I want to be comfortable…

**Izaya's POV**  
_  
Chest to chest, nose to nose  
Palm to palm, we were always just that close_

I sat there on the floor where I had been dropped and stared at him, dumbfounded. Was that really all the fight he was going to put up? I had basically fed him the lines for a love confession and the idiot goes to sleep? What the fuck? The thing that shocked me the most was that he was able to see right through my lie about my boss. Am I really that obvious around him?__

Wrist to wrist, toe to toe  
Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose

__I walked over to the bed and saw that he was fast asleep. And he looked so cute! His blonde hair was spread perfectly over his face. He truly was a gorgeous human being. As I climbed into bed I couldn't help but wish that he wasn't mad at me right now…__

So how come when I reach out my finger

As I lied next to him, I wanted to brush his hair back and apologize for being such a jerk earlier. I wanted to tell him that I did need him here. That I couldn't stand him being away…  
_  
It feels like more than distance between us?_

And that I truly did love him with all my heart…

_In this California king bed  
We're ten thousand miles apart_

I tried to move closer to him, but when I did he rolled over and faced the wall. Wow so he's even mad at me in his sleep?  
_  
I've been California wishing on these stars  
For your heart on me, my California king_

I had really messed it up this time…

_Eye to eye, cheek to cheek  
Side by side, you were sleeping next to me_

__For a second, I imagined what it would be like if we were actually together? How amazing it would be to sleep with him every night. How awesome it would be to wake up to his face every morning. How perfect it would be to hear him say that he loved me…  
_  
Arm in arm, dusk to dawn with the curtains drawn  
And a little last night on these sheets_

But none of that would ever happen…_  
_

_So how come when I reach out my fingers_

Because I was too idiotic to tell him I loved him when I had the chance… __

It seems like more than distance between us?

Now he surely hates me…_  
_

_In this California king bed  
We're ten thousand miles apart_

__As I started to fall asleep, however, he rolled over and hugged me!__

I've been California wishing on these stars  
For your heart on me, my California king

"Uh… Shizuo… Wh-what are you doing?" I stammer as his grip begins to tighten.  
A loud snore is the only answer I receive. Still sound asleep! As nice as the embrace was, it was becoming difficult to breathe.  
"Shizuo wake up you brute! You're killing me!" I groan as I kick his leg.  
It takes a few more kicks before he finally stirs.  
"What? Oh… Sorry!" he says as he scoots to the other side of the bed…_  
_

_Just when I felt like giving up on us_

"Wait Shizuo…" I start as I grab his waist.  
"Huh?" Even in the dark I can see the shocked look on his face.  
He turned to face me and locked me in another hug. _  
_

_You turned around and gave me one last touch_

"I'm sorry for freaking out earlier" I whisper as I clutch onto him.  
"It's ok I mean I could have been calmer with my interrogation methods"  
_  
_

_That made everything feel better_

"So you really DID want to cuddle?" he mocks,  
"Shut up protozoan." I sigh as I nuzzle my face into his chest. I could feel the tears coming.__

And even then my eyes got wetter

__This moment was so perfect; I never wanted it to end. But I knew that if neither of us is willing to admit our feelings, we would never make it and my perfect moment would be gone forever. I couldn't let that happen. I HAD to try…_  
_

_So confused wanna ask you if you love me_

So with tears in my eyes I looked up at him.  
"Hey Shizuo…"  
"Yea?" he asked as his eyes peered down at me and my heart stopped  
"Uh… goodnight"  
"Goodnight flea."_  
_

_But I don't wanna seem so weak_

I had backed out! But why? Why did my brain suddenly stop working right as he looked at me? I couldn't let him see me in such a venerable state. He would loose all respect for me…_  
_

_Maybe I've been California dreaming_

I was stuck. I couldn't admit my love and risk him leaving. However, I couldn't NOT admit my love and risk him leaving. Either way, my perfect moment was going to end soon.

_In this California king bed  
We're ten thousand miles apart  
California wishing on these stars  
For your heart on me, my California king_

So I decided to enjoy the last few that I had…__

My California king

Everything would make sense in the morning…__

In this California king bed  
We're ten thousand miles apart

Then we could deal with our problems…  
_  
I've been California wishing on these stars_

But until then, I would just enjoy the moments that I DID have with him and be thankful that I was even able to have a single MOMENT in his arms…__

For your heart on me, my California king

**For some reason this chapter was extremely hard to write and I'm sure you can tell in the writing and for that I apologize. Nonetheless please please review and give me some suggestions for how to make the next one better! Ps I realize the whole "I need to express my feelings but I cant" think must be getting annoying so don't worry something will actually happen next chapter! The song was California King Bed- by Rihanna. I hope enjoyed this chapter. Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading!**


	9. Roses and Butterflies

**A/N: Wow so it's been awhile since I updated this! Nearly a month! This song was actually one of the ones that made me want to even start this novel and it plays a huge roll in the plot so I wanted to take my time and write it well. It is entirely in Shizuo's POV because… well you'll see why. I hope you enjoy this chapter because it is one of my favorites so far…**

Shizuo's POV_  
I can see where you are  
I can tell you're enjoying it so far_

A sudden movement against my chest woke me up. I looked down to see the flea in my arms. Wait hadn't we just had a fight? Suddenly all of the memories of last night's argument flooded my mind. I had made the decision to stop seeing him. As I looked down at the sleeping informant I saw that he had that stupid fake smirk plastered across his face like he always does. Wow so even in this guy's sleep he can't be genuine? Izaya had dragged me along with the hope that he loved me only to poke fun and push me away last night. And now he's lying here smirking? The little bastard knew what he was doing and enjoyed it! God I hate this man!  
_  
I would love to escape, but now I'm bound_

So why am I still in his bed? I know Izaya is a jerk that just uses people's feelings to get what he wants from them so why don't I leave him alone? He's already hurt me so why am I still here? __

By the of burn of your eyes

Because I love him… I love him so hopelessly much I can't stand it__

Looking on as I'm starting to realize

_I'm a pawn in your game and this is checkmate_

Izaya has me right where he wants me. Although he basically treats me like shit (the cut on my chest still hurts) I wouldn't hesitate to die for him… __

As the roses lift their heads to catch a glimpse of my demise  
You'll be throwing lies around like ocean waves throw down the tides

That thought startled me. I'd be willing to give my life for Izaya but he couldn't even admit why he wanted me to stay last night. I'm in a hopelessly dangerous situation.__

And they are breaking on my shore  
And the rescue team won't save me now I'm out too far

And I don't even care…__

So I'll waste these nights for a while  
But I'll be holding onto you forever

To be honest I feel like I could stay like this forever. Him and I together… no fighting, no cussing, no insults, no vending machines… just us lying here together…__

And this is where my heart is cold and torn

I'm literally stuck! On one hand I need to leave him to keep my sanity, but on the other, I have no idea what I'd do without the annoying flea in my life.__

As I hear the words you said last night  
The butterflies are creeping through my spine

But then I think back to our argument last night…__

It's a thrill I can't shake  
Yeah I know we've been writing a mistake

"What? Do you want me to say that I NEED you here?  
Do you want me to say that I can't stand to be without you?  
That I love you or some shit?" His words still rang through my head…__

But it's hard to erase the feelings I've drawn

They'd hurt so much more than I even thought possible…__

I was caught in an awkward silence

But what really pissed me off is that I didn't even say anything! Why couldn't I have just told him yes? If it really made me so upset to hear him call what we had "some shit" then why didn't I fucking tell him?__

Broken down by the sound of your prelude that you played

Because I can't bare to face his rejection…__

To open our symphony

But is that really worse than what I'm already going through?__

I've been sleeping with the sunrise watching hours pass away  
Incidentally I'm just waiting for the dusk to kill the day

All I think about is Izaya. Thoughts of him consume my entire day. Even Tom has noticed that I've been a little off. I'm always checking my phone…__

But now I'm waiting for your call

Clinging to the possibility that one day he'll call or text me something besides "I'm bored…" or the occasional "come over ;)" that he only sent when he had had a little too much to drink. I'd become one of his stupid little pieces on that board he has in his office, completely and utterly dependent on him to tell me what to do…__

While I throw these vending machines like you care at all

That's all I'd EVER be to him… a game piece…__

So I'll waste these nights for a while  
But I'll be holding onto you forever

Izaya didn't care about me… I was just another thing for him to do (literally). I can't stand this anymore. I'm going to get out of this situation but first I need to get out of this lying bastard's clutches! I roll over and begin to climb out of bed when I hear a noise behind me. I look back and see Izaya, still asleep, whimpering and grabbing at the sheets, desperately searching for me. Some part of me snapped and before I knew it, I was back in the bed holding and comforting the informant, who now had stopped struggling and resumed smirking. How could I comfort someone who had done nothing except hurt me? All he ever did was lie and use my love against me… __

And this is where my heart is cold and torn

But there was that ONE time when he said he loved me…__

As I hear the words you said that night  
I'm falling for them every single time

Even though he was drunk there's a possibility that he meant it right? I remember our drug counselor in high school saying that alcohol only makes you do things that you already wanted to do so maybe that's what happened… its possible right? There's still a possibility that my love was being returned right? There had to be… please?__

As the roses dip their heads a little further to the ground  
There's a season change and all the pinks and whites have turned to brown

Who am I kidding? __

Will we make it through the fall  
Are we gonna make it through this fall

I need to accept the truth… If he truly loved me he wouldn't treat me like this…__

Cause I don't wanna fall with you

Izaya is a narcissist, incapable of loving anyone but himself…__

I'm trying

Much less the person he claims to have hated all these years…__

We're dying,

I get up from the bed, this time with no objection from the sleeping flea. I get dressed and begin to gather my things. __

I'm taken by your hope-filled lines

I grab a pen and paper a write him a note, all the while being careful not to wake him. I realize this sounds cowardly but I don't think I'd be able to face him if he woke up…__

They're well designed and dragging me along  
  
I walk over to the bed and kiss his forehead for what I know will be the last time.__

I've be waiting for this chance

And then, with a tear in my eye, I slip out of his apartment like I had done so many times before…__

and I'll be gone

**Well there you have it! The most angsty chapter yet ne? This marks the beginning of a new story arc so be prepared for angst angst angst! The song is called Roses and Butterflies by Making April and as usual I've changed certain lyrics *cough* **_**while I throw these vending machines like you care at all **_***cough*. I would like to thank anyone who has favorite, followed or (the best) reviewed this story! I love you all! I haven't had any reviews for the past two chapters though :( Please please please review even if it's just as simple as "I like it" or "I hate it". I need to know that somebody's reading this!**


	10. Stay

**A/N: WARNING! LONG AUTHORS NOTE! DON'T LIKE? JUST SKIP!  
Wow it's been so long since I've written a chapter I've nearly forgotten how to write authors notes! So it is true I haven't updated anything on here much less this story in about 8 months and for that I would like to sincerely apologize. We recently experienced a death in the family and it shook us all. Many things were "put on the back burner" during this period including my schoolwork, acting, sports, and most of my hobbies. However I've noticed that writing is a really good way for me to relax so I've made it a high priority again. I write not only fan fiction but also many other small stories and non-fiction as well. When I revisited this story I had to reread it several times in order to be able to write a chapter that fits in with the story line since I have been on such a long hiatus. I decided that due to the extended amount of time this story has been vacant that it would make sense to actually skip forward 8 months in the story. Anyways this chapter will be very angsty (I cried the first time I heard the song). The last chapter was completely in Shizuo's POV and this one will be completely Izaya's POV. ENJOY.  
As always, lyrics are italics, underlined sentences are from the note, and anything in quotations is dialect even if its lyrics.  
PS: Trigger warning: for past self-harm and alcoholism (Just felt like I had to let y'all know)**

**Izaya's POV**

When I came to, I was face down in a stack of papers on my desk. Just like every other day for the past eight months… Ever since the day Shizuo left. After he left my life has been a living hell. Well actually it's been more like limbo, a state of complete nothingness and numbness. Although the numbness might be attributed to by the excessive amount of alcohol I've been drowning myself with lately. Basically my day-to-day routine has fallen into one recurring pattern: First, I wake up and immediately wish I hadn't. I typically come to sometime in the evening, usually about 8, when the sun is setting. I'm always face down in my work so I stand up, walk to the kitchen, grab a bottle of scotch and head to the window. Then I sit in front of the window for minutes, sometimes hours, at a time and wonder what I could have done to keep him with me while simultaneously drowning my sorrows. Vodka used to be my drink of choice but it was only to calm my nerves and often resulted in me getting completely inebriated and, as evident by previous situations, has enabled me to make some pretty terrible decisions. Another reason I can't drink it anymore is because it reminds me of Shizuo. I used to always drink a little before he came over to calm myself down. Scotch works just fine though, it numbs without making me drunk, it burns my throat and I love that since it was my stupid words that got me in this whole mess in the first place, its like a constant reminder to shut the fuck up. Then Namie interrupts my period of self-reflection by the window a bit when she comes by to get her work to take home and tidy up. Ever since Shizuo left I've been letting her work from home. She then reminds me that I have a job so then I get back to work until I pass out again and then the cycle repeats itself. Tonight as I gazed over the lights of Shinjuku, I realized I was clutching a piece of paper in my hand. As I looked down at my hand I immediately recognized it: it is the note Shizuo left on my bedside table the morning he left. Although I've read it enough times to where I've even memorized which t's he didn't cross and which i's he didn't dot, I still carry it with me everywhere. I didn't even bother looking down since I already know that the first line reads:

_I need some time just deliver the things that I need for now  
_  
I had given Celty the few things he had left here to give to him and now this note is all I have left. I took another gulp of scotch…__

Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me  
And it's taking me to somewhere new

… As I felt the burning liquid ease down my throat I was reminded of an old rhyme I learned as a child and I began to repeat it aloud…  
_  
_"_If you believe that everything's alright  
You won't be all alone tonight_"__

For the second part of the rhyme I looked out onto Tokyo in an almost prayer like manner and said:  
_  
_"_And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,  
Slowly lifting me to somewhere new_"__

After I said these words, I looked over the city as tears welled up in my eyes. I clutched the paper as the tears began to stream down my face. I miss him so much. I miss his golden eyes. And even though he always kept covered with those blue sunglasses in public, I got to see them when he was here. I miss his hair that remained incredibly soft despite being bleached. I miss how smooth his skin was in spite of how tough it appeared. I miss his scent, I miss his taste, I miss his touch, but the thing I miss the most is all those little moments we shared here. Moments when we weren't the two most feared men in Ikebukuro, when we weren't lifelong enemies, and when everyone wasn't watching us and waiting for a bloodbath. Those moments where it was just us two: watching something on TV, playfully arguing, cooking together, the occasional cuddling and the best of all: when he laughed. His laughter was so innocent, so sincere, so… true. I will never forget those moments… those moments when I was happy. I will also never forget, try as I might, the look of sadness, betrayal, and utter horror on his face when I mocked him the night before he decided to leave. That look signified the destruction of everything good in my life. With that one horrible comment, I had broken my own happiness, but worst of all, I had broken him. That's the part that's too hard to bear. I dropped the bottle, thus spilling the remaining contents, and fell to my knees in front of the window.  
"What have I done? Dear God what have I DONE?!" I screamed as loud as I could.  
"How could I be so stupid?! So selfish?! So cruel!? I'M a monster! And I hate myself for what I've done to him!"  
After receiving no response, I then curled into a ball and began to weep. After a few minutes of uncontrolled sobbing, I managed to pull myself together and stand up. I soon noticed the spilled scotch and decided to go get a new bottle from the kitchen…

_Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well_

On my way to the kitchen I passed by a mirror and suddenly realized how shitty I look. I'm even paler than usual and my face has begun to sink in. Heavy bags hang below my pitiful looking eyes. I look down at the cuts up and down my arms. Constant reminders of how much I've fucked up. Even they aren't enough punishment for what I've done. I then look down and realize how loose my pants have gotten; they are almost falling down. I then lift up my shirt and notice how prominent my ribs are now. I've always been skinny but this is ridiculous. It's probably due to the fact that the only thing I eat is the soup Namie makes me every night and even then I'm never hungry. I sleep roughly 4 hours a day tops, and I probably shower once a week. I'm basically letting my body die and I don't care one bit. Everyone has noticed too. By everyone I mean the only two people I've seen in the past eight months, Namie and Shinra. It started with just Namie and my clients but after I really started looking bad, she took most of my appointments. She claims that if I look that bad clients are going to take advantage of the situation and probably jump me. Around the fourth month she began to really worry and even called in Shinra. At first I had refused but then she hid the file cabinet key and I was forced to oblige. After two or three visits with Shinra I refused to see him anymore because all he wanted to discuss was why Shizuo and I weren't ever seen fighting anymore and I just couldn't hear it. __

Since the last time that we spoke 

I just can't bring myself to talk about Shizuo. Not with Shinra. Not with anyone. I unfolded the note and my eyes immediately went to the last line…__

_Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello.  
__  
_For some reason, out of the entire note, this last line always hurt the most. I guess its because no matter what I had done in the past, whether it was getting Shizuo hit by trucks, or arrested, or fired, I always knew that the next time I saw him I would be acknowledged. Grant it, that acknowledgment usually came in the form of a flying vending machine or a soaring street sign, but it was something. All those times, I had annoyed him and all those times he had responded, which showed, on some level, that he was ok enough to instigate another confrontation…  
_  
Please_

But this time it was so much worse. This time I'd hurt him and this time he hasn't even responded. This time he isn't ok, and neither am I.

_What a night it is, when you live like this  
And you're coming up beneath the clouds,  
Don't let me down_

I have to find a way to make this right.  
_  
All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now_

If only he was here… I would tell him everything. I would tell him how stupid and selfish I had been. I'd tell him how important he was to me and how much I loved having him around and how much I loved his laugh and how much I missed him.__

You know, I still can't believe we both did some things  
I don't even wanna think about

I would apologize for everything. For all the awful things I had done and said over the years, and, more importantly, how I had led him on without so much as a thought as to how it would affect him.

_Just say you love me_

I just need him to hear me…__

and I'll say that I'm sorry, I don't want anybody else to feel this way

I just want to know that he'll- that we'll be ok… __

Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well

After I continued to stare out the window for God knows how long, I decided it was time to finally try to make it to the bed to sleep.  
"In the morning maybe things will seem clearer" I thought.

Slim chance of that… What I didn't account for on my way to my room was for the months of malnutrition to hit me all at once. All I took was one misplaced step and I was sent crashing to the floor, slamming my head on the coffee table in the process.

"FUCK" I yelled as I pressed my palm to the side of my head.

When I pulled my hand away, it was covered in blood. Maybe now's the time to give Shinra a call. I pulled out my cell and typed:  
Hey Shinra, bumped my head and its bleeding pretty bad. Mind coming over?

I managed to hit send before passing out.

_Since the last time that we spoke,_

The first thing I noticed was someone shaking me. Then I heard them yelling.  
"Come on Izaya stay with me. Please flea you gotta wake up."

Oh thank God Shinra decided to show up. Wait… did he just call me flea? He definitely just called me flea! And his voice… its not Shinra's… its…

"Shizuo?" I managed to squeak as my eyes flew open.

"Yea Izaya its me"

I couldn't believe it.

"But I texted Shinra…"

"Nope you texted me. Guess Shinra and Shizuo are pretty close together in your contact list" He stated with a slight chuckle.

God how I missed his voice.

"Shizuo… I'm so sorry… I didn't mean-"

"Shh… its ok I'm here now everything is going to be alright. But we need to get you off the floor."

He started to lift me up as he continued talking.

"I'm here just stay with me ok? Don't go to sleep. Just keep your eyes on me"

How could I not keep my eyes on the beautiful golden ones that were now fixated on me? He set me down on the bathroom counter as he continued to make sure I was still awake. The cold counter was very unpleasant in contrast to his warmth and I couldn't help but grumble in discomfort.

"Sorry its not the most comfortable seat in the house but I know how much you hate getting blood on your carpet" he said with a small smile as he let go of me.

"I can't believe its you… that you came"

"Of course its me, I came as soon as I got your message. I wasn't just about to let you bleed out"

The last ounce of self-control left me as I flung forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, nearly falling off the counter in the process.

"Izaya…" he started before I interrupted him_  
"Please understand I've been drinking again, and all I do is hope"_ I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shh…shh…its ok"

"No its not" I choked out

"Izaya its only a cut. Head wounds just tend to bleed a lot"

"But that's not what I-"

"I'll get a bandage from the cabinet" he interrupted as he pulled away and headed towards the other side of the bathroom.  
I decided to just drop it and let him do his thing.  
"Jesus flea how did you even manage to trip? I mean I've seen you run up fucking buildings before. You're not telling me a little bump in the carpet tipped you right?"  
There it was again. That same chuckle. I hadn't realized how much I missed it until I heard it.  
"Alright now lets get you fixed up" he said as he bent down towards my head, now putting us eye to eye.

I continued to stare at him, awestruck, as he finished tending to my cut. After all these months he still looks as perfect as the day he…

"All right that ought to do it" he chimed as he got up to leave

… left

_Please..._

"Wait!" I cried out and grabbed his wrist  
_  
Stay_

"Huh?" he exclaimed as he turned around.

Suddenly I was at a loss for words. Just a few seconds ago I was ready to pour my heart out to him and now I can't even think straight. I immediately adverted my eyes from the piercing gold ones that were staring at me in bewilderment. _  
_"_Please stay_" I said, still unable to meet his gaze.

Oh God here come the tears. I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the ones that were already forming from spilling over. It seemed like an eternity before he finally responded.

"You're still drunk" he said matter-of-factly.

"But Shizuo I-"  
"You need to sleep"

"Shizu-"  
"Now!" He nearly yelled as he grabbed me and started heading for the bedroom__

I'll admit I was wrong about everything

No. He can't just do this. I need to tell him how I feel. Who knows when I'll black out again and then he'll leave. I need to tell him everything. I need to make him stay.__

Cause I'm high and I don't wanna come down

"Let go of me you imbecile" I screeched.  
Well that surely did not come out as I had intended.  
"Izaya please" he groaned as he started to set me down on the bed.  
Oh hell no! He is not about to just set me down. Now is the time I take charge. Now is the time I finally grow a pair and tell the man I love that he is mine and he is not leaving again. My kicking and squirming must have pissed him off enough because before I knew it, I was being pinned to the bed. __

All the fun that we had right here on this bed,

"Look here flea! I'm getting real tired of your shit! I don't know what you're getting at but in case you don't remember the last time you asked me to stay over it didn't exactly end well" he screamed, his face now dangerously close to mine.  
All of the tenderness and care that he had in his eyes earlier when he was fixing me was now replaced with anger, general frustration, and something I couldn't quite place.

"Listen to me!" I screamed just as loud.

"I was wrong! I was wrong about everything and I was wrong to treat you the way I did and I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being such an asshat and I'm sorry for lying to you."  
He just continued to stare down at me but I couldn't stop. It appears I had opened the floodgates and now I'm just lying here screaming out all the things that had been trapped inside me for eight whole months. As with most openings of floodgates, here comes the waterworks…  
"I just want you to come back." I started sobbing

"I miss you so much and I need you here. Shizuo I think I-"  
"Stop!" He interrupted.

"Just stop it Izaya! I didn't come here to listen to more of your crap."

Well that's all it took to set me off into a full on temper tantrum.

"Then why the fuck did you even bother coming back?" I screamed.

"You think you can just waltz in and patch me up and then leave again for another eight months?"  
"You were the one who told me to get the fuck out!" he retorted.

"Yea but I apologized"

"Oh? So that makes it all better? Honestly, you expect me to believe that crap? All you ever do is lie Izaya! You lie and you manipulate and you don't give a shit who you hurt in the process. You don't care about anyone but yourself. I can't believe one thing that comes out of your mouth."__

I don't even wanna think about

"Get off me" I yelled, tears in my eyes.

I tried to shove him off but, considering my current physical state, it was barely even a push.__

I'm not strong enough for the both of us

"My God Izaya are you really that frail?" he exclaimed.

"Shut up." I commented, now worried he was going to see just how messed up I was.  
"When was the last time you even ate?" he said noticing how thin I'd gotten.

"Oh I don't know maybe before I bashed my fucking head on the table"

"Izaya you seriously look ill"

"Just shut up!" I yelled as I swung my arm up to hit him.

He grabbed my wrist before I could slap him.  
"Izaya stop being such a-"he stopped short, staring at my arm.

My sleeve had fallen down, now revealing the dozens of marks all over my arm.

"What the hell are these?" he screamed._  
_"_What was I supposed to do?!_" I shouted.

"How about not kill yourself? Jesus Christ Izaya! You're falling apart."

The sobbing was back.

"You fucking LEFT ME!" I screamed.

"Yea well I had no idea you were going to lose it like this."_  
_"I needed you more than anyone else and you just left!" I continued  
"You said you didn't want me here"  
"And you fucking believed me?!"  
No response from Shizuo that time.

"I wish you would have just left me on the floor to die"  
Suddenly I felt a hand cover my mouth.

"Now listen here." He said, his face now only inches from mine.  
"Don't you ever say that again. I know we both fucked up but I never want to hear you say that you wish you were dead, Izaya Orihara, ever again."  
I just stared.

"Do you understand me?"

I nodded.

"Good" he finished.

He removed his hand as I started to sob uncontrollably. He leaned down and picked me up again. This time when he sat back down, he pulled me onto his lap and hugged me close to his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head as I continued to cry into his collarbone.

"Shh.. shh...It's ok. I've got you. Everything is going to be alright. I'm here now. " He whispered over and over.  
After what must have been around a half an hour, I had finally managed to stop weeping.  
"You ok?"  
I nodded.

"Good." He mumbled, his face now nuzzled in my hair.  
"Izaya?"  
"Yea?"  
"You really need to shower" He chuckled into my hair.  
"Well I've been a bit preoccupied, you know, head butting tables and whatnot" I said with a small laugh.  
The way he laughed and pressed a kiss into the top of my head made me smile in a way I hadn't in eight months.  
"Shizuo?"  
"Yea flea?"  
"_You know I love you _right?"  
The words had just fallen out of my mouth. They felt so natural now. I can't believe I was so scared to say them before.  
The way Shizuo's body tensed when I said them was enough to tell me why.  
"Well I have to get up early tomorrow and you need to get your rest so…"  
With that, he stood up and laid me down onto the bed.__

Please just stay

"Wait Shizuo don't you want to-" I started  
"Make sure you give Shinra a call, you know to make sure you don't have a concussion"_  
_And with that, he left, closing the door behind him._  
_"-_Stay_?"

**A/N: WOW! I cannot believe that was eight pages on Word! Well I guess that's what happens when eight months of ideas are all poured into one chapter. See? I told you there would be angst, so angst there was. In my defense, I had to reel you guys back in somehow. Thanks to all of you who are reading this despite the crazy long hiatus. I seriously cannot apologize enough for that :( I hope y'all are having amazing summers. Feel free to PM me anytime and have a great day. **

**XOXO,**

**Marge**


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